I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
