I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
