she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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