She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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