Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
