Fine. I'll sleep in my office
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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