i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
