if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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