4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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