Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
