Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
