Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
