And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
false alarm. still invincible.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
