you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
