There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
