I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
