you guys were way drunker than both of me
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
