okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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