oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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