Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
