Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
