drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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