"it" just moved
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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