Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
