He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
