drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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