i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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