I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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