I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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