Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
