Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
