ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
