If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
