I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
