Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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