So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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