This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Who died my cat blue again?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
