weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
