Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
