i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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