Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Randomize
