I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
