just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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