very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
