$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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