I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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