I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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