He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
