You can't special order awesome
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
