i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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