as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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