the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
