in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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