apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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