My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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