It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Randomize
