It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
