It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
