I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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