You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
