i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
