Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
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