Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
