who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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