i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
