I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
