It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
