Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Enjoy the penises
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
