hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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