half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
